4/23/2006

Precipice Path

I just got back from a women's retreat! What a great weekend! Possibly the best church-people experience of my entire life! I was so blessed and I think I even blessed them a little.

In this life we will have troubles. After a weekend like I had, it's hard to believe I will have any more of them. I have been inhaling the sweet air of renewal, rejuvenation, and repose. But this isn't Heaven and though the love of Christians for one another is as a warm breeze over the garden, one must still be in this world until one is taken out by God Himself. Now the faint reek of the enemy has mingled with the sweetness of light like poop-scented bathroom freshener. I ignored it at first and remained joyful and at rest. But in my giddiness I found I was overdoing it and being slightly dishonest with my feelings.

Nobody likes it when the laughter ends or the smile falls as the situation changes. We Christians walk on the edge of a dangerous precipice like naive toddlers. By Jesus' Spirit I am able to hold the hand of the Father. This weekend He carried me to a meadow far from danger so that I couldn't even see the edge and He smiled as I played in safety. I spent that Sabbath rest with some of my sisters and occasionally we knelt together at our Father's feet and prayed with thanksgiving. Then comes Monday and our purpose for being on the path that winds along the precipice. He walks us back to the danger that we'd almost forgotten about. It's scary at first until I remember He holds my hand firmly and watches my every move with love and protection. I look up at Him and rejoice that He is with me. I dance and sway and suddenly I am enraptured by the amazing feeling I have and all I want to do is dance, not walk on the path. I lose myself in the sensation and forget why I started dancing to begin with. Other times I've gotten lazy, self-ambitious, indignant like a spoiled brat, or just plain distracted. My mind would get fuzzy and I would let go of His hand...

Lately, the time between letting go of His hand and realizing I've let go is getting shorter, but it's still very unpleasant. I've have been known to see Him over there beckoning to me and I turn away from Him, saying, "Now why doesn't He want me to go this way?" (the question 'why...?' when it comes to God has always gotten me into trouble, then I read Job) Pretty soon I would end up in a wilderness full of wolves or staring straight down into a sickening drop that disappears in some fog. Wailing, crying, tears, and repentance would be the order of the day. Then He heals me, teaches me, comforts me, and strengthens me. Then He picks me up and takes hold of my hand again.

With every lesson I think I am finally learning to stay focused on Him and not let go. In fact, He has told me just to keep looking at Him during the whole journey! This seemed silly to me at first because I would miss the scenery and stuff. But when I actually kept looking steadily to His face one time I found that I could see so much more, like I had eyes on every part of my head. But the minute I would get distracted by what one of my fifty eyes were seeing, I would look away, lose the miracle-sight, and feel suddenly blind even though I had two working eyes. I find that life is so much more abundantly rich when I am looking to Him. It's not always giddy laughter or strong marching feet. It's balance and variety. It definitely keeps me on my toes. It's an adventure!

I have a strange feeling the longer I keep my eyes on Him, the sooner I'll find myself out in the middle of an ocean walking on the waves. Or maybe I'll run so swift that I will blur past horse-drawn carriages and SUVs. The idea is to keep my eyes on Him...

1 comment:

The Dog said...

Isnt it awesome, this concept of learning? Isnt learning His wisdom way cool?

I enjoy reading your relevations of things. Continuously reminds me that maybe, at this time, I am not in the position to learn something, or whatever, but He is always there, teaching.....

Always THERE... :) Awesomeness.

In Christ!
P-Dawg